“Picking the right person for the right reasons at the right time is an art form.” – Dr. Barton Goldsmith. Ever wondered why nearly half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce? Relationship experts are all too quick to point out why married couples split – information that may or may not make a difference for someone seeking to avoid the “Big D.” Something that’s far less discussed is the vetting process known as dating. The word “vetting” may sound callous when describing dating, but isn’t that REALLY what it is?
Sure, dating can be (and should be) a fun, non-committal, “this may or may not happen” type of thing; but for most people, a date is a potential partner. It’s too easy to say, “you should wait for this, this, and this before committing yourself.” While such a statement may be well-intentioned, it’s pretty much worthless unless you provide some substance; in other words, why “this, this, and this” may be important attributes to look for in a partner. Every person is different and looks for different things (really complicated, we know.) We don’t pretend to be relationship experts – we are not. We don’t provide “one size fits all” advice – and we won’t do so here.
“An objective mindset” is not a particularly sexy or exciting thing to recommend for daters. (And, remember, it is only a recommendation.) BUT, when it comes to relationships, objectivity is underrated. Practicality is underrated. Cohesiveness is underrated. Here are the things that you should always look for in your partner.
1. Have Essentials In Common
We’re glad you asked. The “essentials” are things like: where to live, children or no children, religion or spirituality, the use of money, a sense of a “shared purpose,” and so on. (Some even put political views on this list…) Take the five things important to you and see how your date checks out. Just don’t interrogate them or give out a creepy vibe.
2. Be Wary Of Someone Who Wants To Get Married Yesterday
Alright, if you’re on a first date and the word “married” escapes your date’s lips once, it should be a wrap. (Minus the obvious exceptions, like marriage being a topic of discussion.) Most people rushing to get married make it fairly obvious during the first date or two. Odds are that they’re going to be a pain to date, much less marry.